...

...

That's what I'l like when people cry in front of me. I shut up. There's nothing I know to say. I feel like "it's gonna be okay" isn't gonna help. Their fears are stronger than that. I need something more potent.

My natural reaction is to hug the person. There's so much to it; there's so much to even just a little bit of physical contact. I feel like I'm cheating, [hopefully] helping people feel better without so much as a thought or bit of comforting word. Me, I don't like it. I feel useless. Yet there's those people I know who can comfort even Cloud-after-Aeris. J-E-A-L-O-U-S. Share a little wisdom?

To the people I've let down, I'm sorry.

The spectrum's A to Z!

Oh boy, here we go. Midterms are approaching fast. In fact, I have one in a few days. Calculus. I'm not all that worried, since I've done everything before. I'm worrying a bit about the limits, since I've never gone into that much detail about limits before. But that's about it. I'm scared that I'm being cocky. I'm studying anyway... Except for now. Break time, yes?

I'm finally starting to get used to everything in uni. But the thing is, there's always a twist here and there. It's never the same thing. Best part is, I get to choose my twists and turns. I like. Unfortunately this doesn't really help get rid of my procrastination, but I have to admit I'm getting a bit better.
On the other hand, I'm meeting more and more people, and I get to pick who I want to hang out more or not. It's not that I was limited to that before, but it really is different. It's great. I gotta admit, though, I don't really see much of my old friends. As an effort to extend my group of friends, I'm gonna go attend Halloween pub next week. Great way to celebrate end of midterms. Even though I can't drink.

I just have to get through this week. Err, Monday. Chem midterm there. Lame, I know. But I found that the only way to get through it is to START. The most painful step, but the most useful one. Especially for me, I can't put something down until I'm satisfied with it. It also help to have a little inspiration on the side.

Random thoughts have led me to something else. People don't really need all those sayings and quotes; they're all obvious. People just need to think. I don't think we need a million ways for others to tell us what selfishness, greed, or laziness will do. Think, people, think. And START.

I just noticed, I seem to blog everytime I'm busy. When I'm not, I'm off doing something else. Weird.

Chilly

This morning I woke up with a jolt. Vibrations were sent up my spine. I slept on my cellphone. I quickly understood what had probably gone on last night. Ah well. To business.
My phone said, obnoxiously, JEAN GUTIERREZ.
I remember thinking, "Why the hell is she calling me on a school day? This sucks, my alarm's going to go off soon, too. Lost a few minutes of sleep..."
This is what I remember, and what Jean told me I said at work:

"Hello?"
"Glenn! Jen told me to call you."
"What? Why?!"
"You're scheduled today! 7-3."
"Uhhhhhhhhh... OH OKAY thanks... bye."

Let "OH OKAY" represent the point of realisation, and the ellipses moments of fast brain processing. Well, relatively fast for a cold morning. I completely thought it was Friday. I don't know why. I slept in for work again... Oh well, I haven't done that in a while.

I just thought this was weird... I mean, I knew the night before that today was Saturday and that I would need to get up for work. I even told myself to set my alarm accordingly (which, I obviously failed to do). Maybe 'cause I didn't want Friday to end. Weather unpermitting, I ended up staying home. On a Friday. Stuff was left undone for this week. That means I have to do a lot this weekend. 2 labs, 2 assignments, 3 DESIGN assignments too, oh my.

Plus, this week, I absolutely have to watch Toy Story 3D with MJ. I've been giddy since I heard about it!

Being busy gives me a sense of purpose...

Plans, plans, plans.

Always make me budget my money just a bit more. That's good right? If only it didn't involve spending money to execute said plans... But everything is definitely going to be worth it.

The only way to take away the stress from tasks is to enjoy it. And to dedicate it to someone.

I have terrible luck, though. Plans never go the way I imagine the to go. I think that makes me think a lot harder the next time I plan for it. Don't get me wrong, sometimes winging it is as much fun as it sounds.

Reminder!

To myself and all the other guys out there:

A girl may have said yes to you, but she never said stop trying.

Priorities.

UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Feel the rage and frustration of a boy feeling helpless as he fights the tide which carries him further and further away from his Azure.
Like the difficulty of an unbeatable boss battle.
Like an unsolvable math problem.
Like a long introduction to the hook.
Like knowing you'll never be the best at the things that you do when your competitive side is telling you to keep going.
Such is my busy life. I thank God for the time I have to reflect alone. Pah, who needs sleep?

But hey, tomorrow's the graduation ceremony. I know my teenager mind is running amok: I'm not really interested in the ceremony, I'd rather enjoy my summer. Hopefully I'll be able to stay at Justin's place tomorrow night. I haven't been able to in a while. Insert more rage here.

IF THERE'S ONE THING I CAN'T STAND, IT'S MISSING OUT ON STUFF.

That's all I got for now. I know it's been a while and much has happened but my mind's tunnel vision is at a bottle neck at the moment. Tough!

Pass that dutch.

This past weekend was the first ever Regional Youth Conference.
Spirits blazing, I went in there excited to play some volleyball. It's what I really wanted to do there. Of course, I signed up for football and soccer too. Basketball, well, just isn't my thing. Football was a bust. With Alan (the captain) busy with band competition, football never had a chance. Oh well. Soccer, on the other hand, went well. Actually, more than great. We got first place, yeah! Volleyball happened later on in the day. We got our asses kicked. Hard. Such is life.
It was a while since my last worship. Most songs came back to memory, while some were taught to me by the projector screen. Either way, it felt great.
Results came! It's a good thing Alan chose band over football, they won first place for band! Congratulations. Aaaaand with a sudden, ugly, turn of events, the award for soccer read "West Two" instead of "West One". I came home empty handed.
Running all over the place trying to get everywhere, trying to find people, trying to watch things I wanted to really tired me out. Close enough to say that I didn't enjoy myself. I'm choosing not to say that so that I won't feel like my money's been wasted. Tryiiiiiiiiiiiing!

Anyway, I've been home with nothing to do. Bumming around is not fun at all.

Not the best timing.

...but then again, is there ever good timing for being sick?

I've been sick since Monday, I spent the whole day with a throbbing head. I couldn't shake my head. But I had to shake it off 'cause I volunteered to help out at Sally's apartment. I hope I really helped, I feel really bad for breaking TWO of her dad's drill bits. Guiltguiltguilt. Troublesome boy is troublesome. As soon as I got home I ended up sleeping a good 6 hours, from 4:30 to 10:30. Well I think part of it is the fact that I stayed up so late the night before. At least that eased my headache a little. To all that I talked to that day, I apologize for being way out of it.

Today, I felt much better compared to yesterday. I did manage to sleep another 5 hours. I hope I'm feeling a whole lot better tomorrow, I have to go to work! I can't skip out again, I've been doing that too often the past couple of weeks. Unfortunately, I have work again on Thursday. All 'cause I booked off this weekend because it's RYC, yeyeahhh!

But that's all I got for now. My creative juices aren't flowing [unless that's the stuff coming out of my nose]. Plus I'm damn sleepy.
I like sleep. A lot.

Broken plans.

Saturday was great. Watching Up was definitely a nice treat. I'm not much of a movie-goer, y'know? I wish it was more convenient to be somewhere else, though. Not being able to watch it in 3D disappointed me. I'm thankful I was able to watch it, especially since I have to squeeze it in all the things I have to do. Why am I so busy for? Demetre was awesome too! [I dunno why but it didn't have the 's on the sign] The food was really sweet and pretty damn filling. I wish I came hungry. MJ and I vowed to share the food the next time we go.
I wasn't able to go to Dean's bonfire after. After considering the trouble I had to go through to get a ride home, I thought it wouldn't be worth it. I didn't know he was thinking of giving me a ride home. Another disappointment. Should have called, that would have made sense. I feel terrible for it. Another "next time". Times like these would be a whole lot easier with a car.
I wish.

Unfortunately, the night was short.
Next time.

Dance, dance!

Once again, exams are done. I have to go back to my old duties before they started: work, so I can get my money back; chores, but I don't really do much at home anyway; and one of the most painful ones, DANCE.

After a month of absence from that cotillion, everyone's pretty much forgotten the steps. Turns out, that's okay. We keep learning a new dance every time. The basic steps are the same, but the timing, the turns, the flow of it changes every time we go to practice. I'm glad the Rumba-Chachacha mix dance stayed the same. Orrrr we just don't remember it at all. And what makes things worse, we're way behind on time and the choreographer was real strict-like today, y'see. This is becoming a big hassle than a small sacrifice. But I don't like backing out.

Nadine, you're a great person, this one's for you.

If I were a bathroom stall, I would be OCCUPIED

With school done, I'm free to do anything I want, or maybe just sleep the hours away.

Wrong.

It seems almost everyday I'm out doing something. Work, wonderland, bussing to Brampton, hanging out with people.

Who said I was complaining? I love being busy. But staying at home every now and then is nice, too (like today). I don't mind not going to wonderland at all.
I still have to do some things, though, like the comic for Mr. B. I don't know why I volunteered for that. I should have probably worked on that today. Oh well. My to-do list hasn't been completed yet and I'm starting to get more tasks.

Sadly, MJ had to give back my (robot) baby Gabriel back today. That was really cool, I felt like a father for a little while. Makes me wish I was able to take parenting. I would totally have aced that class. I'll miss you, Mad Gabs.

Last Banquet

As my last year comes to an end my last athletic banquet has come and gone to help me remember and remember that it's end.
It wasn't as good as last year's, 'cause less people came and less pictures were taken. But I'm not gonna complain, the sentimental value is there. I'll admit I didn't try to dress up at all, just threw stuff on.
Whatever, it gave me an excuse to hang out at Justin's. Usually I'd have no ride home and the bus ride isn't really worth it -- no offense. Justin's was fun: screaming at Tammy, my partner for Taboo; screaming at the TV because E3 has announced a lot of things I want to play; screaming at the projector for having hard notes to play on Rock Band 2. I think I like screaming.
So, I'm not the best at Taboo... I keep saying PART of the taboo words. It's irritating. If it weren't for that me and Tammy could have kicked ass.
I saw the press conferences for Nintendo and Sony, and I was screaming my face off for Golden Sun DS and the many different games to be released. The Sony motion sensor is very interesting. My want for a PS3 has been rekindled.
I want Rock Band 2 too. But maybe I'll be going for the The Beatles version. I love The Beatles. Me and Ringo Starr were born on the same day! Anywayyyyyyyyyy.
Many of my friends have received MVP awards and athletic letters. I'm really proud of you guys! I half-regret that I never really worked hard enough to deserve any award; maybe I was never born with the talent, but in the end it was my goal to stay in shape and have fun and that's what I did. So I forget about that half-regret easily. Maybe they're more jealousy than actual regret. My point is, I've proven to myself that I am capable of all these things. That's all that really matters, right? Mhmm! WRESTLING TEAM PARTY AT BOSTON PIZZA AGAIN YEAH!

Tammy's leaving for England with Preeya tomorrow. Have a safe and fun trip, girls. I'll be working tomorrow. Haven't worked during the week in the longest time! We'll see how tired I'll be tomorrow. Busy busy!

I don't sing and dance.

So I'm a little behind on my blogging. So what. I just finished chapter one of my story on kinkeejou. If you want you can read its semi-useless prologue. It's somewhere on here.

So PROM, PROM, PROM. It was great; dressing up, seeing everyone else dressed up, limos, pictures, dancing, food! Well the food wasn't the greatest but whatever that's the least of my worries. I wish I had had taken off my suit jacket earlier to show off my suspenders and armbands. I didn't look as good as I felt with my tie being the only contrast. Oh well. I never look good in pictures anyway. Photogenic isn't one of my traits. Neither is "good dancer". I tried but not really 'cause I knew there wasn't much of a point. At one point when I was sitting down I found that none of the guys really knew how to dance. Some just looked more preposterous than others. But still, one of the things that made my day was the last slow dance, "Back at One". It was never really a special song to me even though I've known it most of my life, but that all changed. I'm glad I knew the words. Me and MJ were just there making fools of ourselves singing / lip-synching the song while everyone else on the floor was tightly bound to their lovers and close friends. Just thinking back made me smile.

The after party? not much to say. I wish I could have stayed the whole time. My mom didn't let me. It kinda annoyed me. Still kinda does. Anyway, people had a lot more fun after people sobered up a little. I wish I could have stayed the whole time.

Saturday was cotillion practice. I had to sing. I don't sing. My range is not that of a normal guy's. Not in a good way. Plus, I have the range the size of an ant. A baby ant. WHY AM I SINGING CAN I PLAY GUITAR INSTEAD?

Sunday morning! It was great. It's a little chilly outside today but that's okay. I went in for work for the first time in what seemed like FOREVER. I really missed everyone. I was reminded of why I choose to stay there. I love the people. Although being gone for a while made me make mistakes, I don't think I got that rusty. For some reason I keep track of how I do at work. I definitely get my rhythm when I need to. PLUS, Julian came and visited! I miss the old trio of me, him and Patrick. We made breakfast fun.


Oh, the memories I've made.
So, a pretty big weekend. For me anyway. Sorry thoughts are disorganized I just belted out things. : )

Tomorrow

is prom. I'm much more excited than all the girls I know.
..or am I the only one?

Sloth.

With school done and nothing to do for the rest of my high school life, I can honestly say I'm free. Nothing to worry about, no homework, tests, essays, assignments, labs, nothing.
Empty.
I don't like the feeling. For some reason, slacking off when I shouldn't be had a thrill to it. Now just doing nothing productive is really really really boring. Playing RO, DotA, Golden Sun2, watching 10 different kinds of animes and dramas, it's what I was fighting for during exams. now... "eh". At the same time I can't always be out with people, I get tired [and broke!] and I have no mode of transportation. Come onnnnnnnnnnn, car!
At least I volunteered to make my ToK teacher's comic for his student guide [one which he keeps repeating would make him quite happy]. It's a pretty big job but it's something that I like doing. I'm proud of myself for stepping up to it. I would have regretted not volunteering knowing that I could have. Plus if that guide goes big I can get some cred, yeeeee.

As for my weekend, it's been pretty good. Steven's party was amazing, and set me on a LOT of flashbacks. Am I really getting that old? I'm glad he found the present entertaining. It was completely different from how I imagined it to be but I think it's served its purpose. I was shy to dance at first [surprise, surprise] but I sucked it up and I figured I'd have fun for something that Steven and his family put together for everyone. I'm glad I went. I'm really gonna miss the guy. I think he's made me laugh everytime I've talked to him.

Thoughts on Carassauga? Boring. It was so bad that I wish I just had control over everything. It was pretty chaotic. I didn't feel as if my country was well represented. I don't know how it feels for others and their nationalities. It could be improved a whole lot. Waste of 12 bucks. Good thing it wasn't mine.


I'm still tanned from Wonderland. I wanna go again! I'm looking forward to this coming week.

The word "done" feels heavier than it did before.

It's because I can't write anything in french. I tried, I failed miserably.
Anyway, today has been a whole day of nothing, with people anxious to end the day to enter tomorrow. After our exams tomorrow, we'll be done all of our exams! It's a great feeling, it really is. No more binging and breaking out from exam stress. All the "ohmigawd I did so bad"s are done.
But today, I came across a copy of "Oh, the Places You'll Go!" by Doctor Seuss. This sent me down a long train of reminiscing, all because of my old history teacher. He enjoyed teaching our grade 10 class so much that he brought that in and read it out to us. It was very touching (but I didn't cry!) and I will forever be sentimental to that poem. I'll probably grow old and connect all my great memories of high school to it.

Wow, listen to me. I'm only turning 18 and I'm already looking back to my high school days. I'm going to miss it, I know I will. The work was a pain, but (most of) the people were awesome. I can't say I have no regrets whatsoever but I'm pleased I survived high school. This time is a crucial time in my life, and I am honestly scared.

Cet un exercise pour le francais!

Je veux pratiquer mon francais pour mes examens demain, et je veux écrire dans mon blog. Si j'ai decidé à faire les deux! C'est comme j'ai tué deux oiseaux avec un pierre, no? Mon francais n'est pas parfait, mais je crois que cet exercise peut m'aider pour les examens demain. Souhaitez-moi la bonne chance!

Aujourd'hui, j'ai passé le temps avec Maryjess. [C'est drôle, j'ai dit mah-ree-jhess dans ma tête.] Je n'ai pas su qu'elle était venue! Quelle surprise, mais j'ai été heureux. Je pense que je suis très simple. Nous avons allés à Square One pour acheter des cadeaux pour nos amis, mais nous n'avons pas trouvé les choses qui nous avons eu besoin de. Cependant, nous avons trouvé les autres choses. Tout les choses se résolvent!

Les autres événements de mon jour n'est pas très intéressants. J'ai joué les jeux-cartes dans l'école. Très ennuyeux, n'est-pas?


Ahh, je ne peux pas parler / écrire en francais. J'ai utilisé une dictionnaire un peu fois pour cette note. Mais, c'est retournait-moi. Je le sens!

Elvis has left the building.

The worst is over. With the hardest of the exams out of the way, the collective sighs were probably heard the next block over. And I can finally blog again. It's not like I really couldn't before, it's just that I didn't really feel up to writing when my head was swarmed by words. Some of which seemed like a different language. Some were a different language. Look forward to all my writing. I'll be using this blog as my more personal blog, and all my creative posts will be posted up on Kinkeejou. That's it, I'm off.

Don't Be a Backseat Driver!

Speed run of today:
Old Montreal.
Underground shopping area.
Olympic Gardens.

Big bummer:
I haven't gone shopping yet.
I didn't eat anything cool.
PARKINGPARKINGPARKINGPARKINGPARKING

Do want:
Tomorrow is shopping day. I've marked my targets. I can't blame women for being shopaholics.

Some Forks Would Be Nice

Our scheduled departure of 4AM seemed easily attainable. But with everyone still groggy and slow from less than 4 hours of sleep, we left an hour late. First stop, Napanee. Everyone was out cold during the drive except for my dad and Shadow. We woke up at our first stop but surprisingly neither Nature nor Hunger were calling. I didn't see Avril Lavigne but I doubt she's hanging around. We were only halfway to Montreal but it seemed like it we just left the house. I love sleep.
After another 5 seconds comatose, we were in Ottawa. Parliament Building, here I come! Armed with nothing but two cameras and a not-so-brave dog, we made our way to the destination... after what seemed like hours of looking for a parking spot. My dad's pretty bad when it comes to it. It was driving me insane. Pun was very much unintended. I swear. We slowly made our way to the building, surrounded by red flags with a roaring tiger adorned by rifles. I stare at the closest newspaper dispenser to find out that a rally has been going on for the past 3 days. A 4th day was expected. The destination seemed farther with the massive crowd of Sri Lankans blocking the main gate to the Parliament Building. I'll be honest, I was annoyed that it just had to happen the one time I come to visit. I sucked it up and I just soaked in the scenery.
Speaking of sucking it up, my dad was pretty embarrassing with his lame camera and his gigantic flash. "TOURIST," it screamed. It echoed across the city. My mom was walking the dog and insisted she clean his butt in public. I question my parents' fashion senses. If it weren't for my jacket that my dad borrowed, the overall lameness would have killed me. "TOURIST," I said.
The hotel we're staying at isn't the most luxurious, especially with the need for a pet-friendly hotel. I wish I could fart money. But as long as it's not total crap. We had to find parking for the tourist information office. Password to hell: parking. I sat in the car with shadow while everyone else went in to find a hotel. Stuck with this one. It's just outside the downtown area so it's nice and peaceful. The guy receptionist was a little mean. We spent a few hours relaxing and sleeping before we went for dinner. We actually ate on time today. Surprise.
This was the highlight of my day. The girl receptionist at the hotel recommended a Mexican place, 3 Amigos. The city at night is the best after all, bright tantalizing lights to the left and right. The outside of the restaurant made the place look a little cheap. I was unsure about the place. Surprise. The inside was loud, lively, loud, busy, and very loud. It was a party atmosphere, complete with the booming beat of fast paced music. Service was fast, The guy noticed we were missing some forks. I didn't have to wait long for my food. Very fast-paced restaurant. I ordered enchiladas. Nothing special. Surprise. Yummy. Mini salad in crispy tortilla bowl. Yummy. Mexican rice. Yummy. Refried beans. Yummy. I CLEANED my plate. Helped my mom with hers. Time for dessert! FRIED ICE CREAM. 'nuff said.
Back at the hotel, checked out the gym and the pool. "Souvenir" towel. Now I need to shower. It's been a damn long day.

It's a little disorganized, but whatever. Not really feeling all poetic this time.

New Layout.

That's [pretty much] where my color scheme came from. I've made it a little bit brighter 'cause of the black background.

Taken from www.colourlovers.com, palette "Flightless IV".